Monday, September 13, 2010

Watch Too Much TV

Since childhood, I have been a TV addict. Always. Ask any person I have ever lived with. My longtime roommate Alyssia blames me for her TV addiction. I'll accept blame for that. (She also blames me for a plethora of other idiosyncrasies she's picked up which I refuse to acknowledge. It is not my fault you don't trust milk.)

Moving home meant moving away from my DVR. I agreed to pay the approximately $8 for the comfort of recording my shows as soon as I got a job. Well. Two months later, I am still allowing the television schedule to run my basically non-existent life. This has put me in the position to watch a lot of random daytime TV shows, which isn't all bad. It has also forced me to watch a ton of commercials, most annoyingly the same commercials a ton.

I'm not even anti-commercial. I'm an unemployed copywriter, for God's sake. I plan on paying for my 3 beautiful childrens' college tuition and my long-anticipated laser eye surgery with TV spots. But these commercials just fail.

This is absolutely nonsensical. If they're racing "home," I can only assume that the kids are neighbors. It's pretty obvious they aren't brothers by the way the mom straight ignores the other kids. Totally blows them off. It looks a lot more likely that those boys want to beat the shit out of the little guy. If that is the case, sticking out his tongue at the end was probably the worst decision he could have made. Have fun at school tomorrow, champ.

Share the cookie.

That phallic carrot. That giggle. Almost hypnotized into buying the ringtone.

And finally, I planned on closing with the winner for The "Somebody Wrote This And I Still Don't Have a Job" Award. But I can't even remember the product in the spot I wanted to show. Ultimate waste of time and money FAIL.

I'm sure you've seen it. Its a commercial for going back to get a degree at some University of Phoenix-style college because your job is undeniably crappy. They sing the theme to "The Brady Bunch" but with all the words changed.

I actually remembered quite a bit. "Here's the story of a girl named -insert name here-, who was laid off from the only job she's known." blah blah blah "That's the way they all became a learning bunch!"

Even with these exceptional memory skills, I could not find the video. I Googled and Googled and Googled. I scoured YouTube. I actually spend an embarrassing amount of time looking this up. Nothing.
I did find this entertaining article on college commercial cliches.

So, yeah. I apologize for that.

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